in and out of time

❝ when the first stone looked up at the blazing sun

and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor,

i had always loved you more. ❞

- maya angelou

libya in lowercase, days 16 - 20

more peace, more love, and five more poems from far away. ❤.

- + -

april 25, 2009. saturday.

i spit metal into a sink today.

i should probably be able to make more of that than i am,

but i can’t.

the dentist was nice, with soft hands

stray hairs grew up his cheekbone, trailing away from his beard.

my aunt told him my life story while he drilled my teeth.

he mmm’d and said he was impressed

it bothers me more than it should when i wonder if he was telling the truth.

-

april 26, 2009. sunday.

it hurts more than you would think to realize

that something you thought you knew how to do for years

is completely wrong.

bismillahi ar-rahman ar-raheem.

that fact that is it these words i still cannot say

shakes me somewhere that hasn’t been touched in a while.

-

april 27, 2009. monday.

marriages arranged through phone calls make me nervous

like not enough words spread into too large a space.

he has blue eyes, they tell me

like it should make a difference.

is it wrong that it does?

-

april 28, 2009. tuesday.

why won’t you let me remember you like this,

like dusty roads and sun too hot

to be allowed?

i don’t want to remember you in high-rise cities

while taxi cabs zoom by

it makes you seem too real.

why won’t you just be my dream?

-

april 29, 2009. wednesday.

hijab shopping in furnaj –

boys in nike shirts

and

aacida at night.

does it get better than this?

his music makes me dance

hands over face,

curtains shut tight.

something beautiful before i sleep.

you, soft and only. you, lost and lonely.

you, just like heaven.

never wanted to be cinderella growing up.

or snow white. or sleeping beauty.

i always used to wish i was pocahontas.

everything about this movie is beautiful. never understood what was so wrong with kocoum though.

libya in lowercase, days 11-15

peace, love, and poems from far away. <3.

- + -

april 20, 2009. monday.

if you have never wanted to fall down

for fear of God,

you do not believe.

i fear and love and

love and fear.

and love.

do not ask me why again. i am tired of your questions.

-

april 21, 2009. tuesday.

i watch moroccan women attempt american dances,

slithering around

bracing their backs against poles and

running their hands up their thighs.

i’m still not sure why

the only parts of western culture they long for

are the ones that will tear them apart.

-

april 22, 2009. wednesday.

applying makeup in parking lots

and pulling bangs out from under scarves.

these are the things they think will bring them freedom

but are only imprisoning them further.

i wish i could tell them.

i wish they would understand.

certificate in one hand and a husband in the other,

right?

-

april 23, 2009. thursday.

i sit in the kitchen

and listen to my aunts

and my aunt’s aunt

talk in words

i half catch

i drink shahi with

my back against cabinets and

listen to the adhan

come in through the windows.

-

april 24, 2009. friday.

i play chase around tall walls and

listen to a debate about

arabic morality

as half-naked women dance across the stage.

i’m told i’m wrong for watching it, but his eyes are glued to the screen.

still, i’m impressed that he cares.

he’s changed since last year, in more ways than one

makes me a little jealous that i haven’t morphed a lick since i was thirteen.

his cousin tells jokes in a dialect too quick for me to understand

i don’t need to, to know they’re not funny.

his skin is the color of chestnuts, though

and he looks older than he is.

if he wasn’t an asshole, he’d be beautiful.

i talk about barack obama

and twirl a toothpick between my teeth

and do my best not to look back at the grill

but i do a few times, when no one’s watching.

his hands are greasy from working the spick

so we shake wrists when we leave.

who knew a year could make such a difference?

new years resolution

my new year's resolution is to be here more. try to expand subscribers. work more on my original writing.

love you all. all ten of you.

here's to oh-ten. ((and yes, i can still say that. write out the number and look.))